Mar 6, 2011

If this writing could be a letter to heaven...

If I had a time machine, I'd fix all my mistakes from the tiny even to the biggest one. I think about this machine occasionally. Does this machine really exist in this world? Is the time machine located in Bermuda Triangle like everyone said recently? Has anyone ever used this machine to go back to his/her past life? I'm questioning those unanswerable questions day by day. But let me make it straight, for me, myself, if the time machine was for real in this world, and I already had it actually, I'd turn back-time to the day when I was five. I must admit that I was a bad girl. I was being impolite and rude with my grandma, only with her. I always shouted and yelled at her face when she said something to me. And even worst, I pointed at her face :'( But actually she was really kind. Even when I ignored her selfishly, she still did smile at me and her face felt like said something to me, “I forgive your faults, dear. You're still a child. You're learning. Someday you'll realize”. I dont know why I was so irritating at that time. But after I grew up older, I knew that all I"ve done to my grandma was really a big mistake that couldn't be forgiven. It's really a deep regret and something I can't resist from my mind until now.

My grandma has passed away long before I could behave in a mature and responsible way. Before I could realize all the mistakes I've made to her. She has gone before I could talk to her that she was the gentle woman I've ever met. She has left before I could say “sorry”. And as if all the regrets I feel now are useless. This one sheet of paper writing will never be enough to describe her sincerity and also my feeling. I hope this writing can automatically send to heaven. So, she can read all my deep remorse without letting everyone knows. (Ups, I'm letting you know). I'm actually embarrassed to tell you this story. But really, I can feel the burden relieves after writing it. This's maybe a good sign from her from heaven. I know you are there, dear grandma, waiting for me to give a big hug like you used to give to me.


with love,

Niken

2 comments:

Cassandra Niki said...

everyone wishes for the same time machine. but since it is impossible (or probably currently still in the making), what you can do now is make peace with yourself, rather than hoping to erase some mistake you've done, try coping and try not to repeat and be a better person. i'm sorry about your grandma, but you know, it will be best if you grow into a great person rather than erasing things in the past and being ordinary afterwards :)

Niken Pranita Putri said...

Aaaah thank you Nikki for visiting my blog. I really adore your blog, your style of writing especially. Even it's too long (sometimes ppl get bored with this), but yours is worth to read. Very inspiring ;)

And thank you for your advices. Promise to be a better person in future. I really appreciate this. Nice to know you :)

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